Wintery Mix

 I was never interested in dating websites. The commercials I saw on television were very enticing, I have to say, if one was looking to date. Usually, they start off with a heterosexual couple having dinner in a candle-lit room, holding hands, and starring into each others eyes, seemingly desperately in love, without a care in the world, and end up disappearing into the sunset to live happily ever after. But the happily-ever-after part has never been confirmed. Of course not. It’s an ad. But the point is I never saw a homosexual couple in any of those ads and that strengthened my belief that there was no place for people like me to find love on dating websites. So, why try?

Graduate school left my mornings and afternoons free because I had classes in the evenings only. Since I was nocturnal, I literally did all my studying at night when everyone was asleep and the whole building was quiet. When I could not sleep one morning, I saw an E-Harmony advert on TV and I thought to give it shot and see if truly there was no section for same-gender loving people. I logged on to their website and was very pleasantly surprised. Even though their ads never featured same-sex couples, they did have a section on their website where same-gender loving people could connect with each other. I created a profile, put up a picture and waited like a fisherman waiting for his bait to hook its prey.

Soon enough, Tina contacted me. She said she saw my profile and my picture rendered her breathless. I panicked and quickly apologised for putting up such a deadly picture. She laughed and said, “You’ve got jokes, Pamela…”. Tina was also a graduate student at a private college in Southern Georgia. She was very smart, funny, lovable, very sweet, and said kind things. We continued to communicate on the E-Harmony platform before we moved to email, and exchanged phone numbers. We talked on the phone very often and what started out as a friendship, metamorphosed into a budding romance.

On our first Valentine’s Day as a couple, she visited me in wintery Baltimore. I love winter! It’s my favourite time of the year. Everything about that season was art. The Baltimore skyline caught in-between the morning fog was simply breathtaking. The somewhat wet streets with patches of lite snow contrasted the dark-coloured pavements under the yellow-covered street lights, creating a very romantic feel. I arranged for us to spend a few days at a nice hotel downtown, close to the Inner Harbour, where we were going to be treated to an all-inclusive spa treatment.

When we arrived at the Spa, we were shown to our locker room where we kept all our stuff and changed into bathrobes and house slippers. Then we proceeded to an inner lobby to lay on a long wooden chair while sipping some lime-infused water in a heart-shaped glass. There were candles in the foreground, and soft music in the background as we lay under dim lights, engaging in light conversation about what was to follow. After about fifteen minutes, a woman of Asian descent walked in to check on us before politely asking that we follow her into our spa suite. We got up and followed her, while smiling at each other in anticipation of what was awaiting us.

The double door opened into a candle-lit room, with classical music in the background. I looked to my left where I saw a jacuzzi filled with bubbly warm water. On the edge of the jacuzzi was a silver tray that carried a bottle of Moét champagne, two champagne glasses, and plum strawberries covered in melted dark chocolate. I smiled. Next to the jacuzzi was the shower section, complete with blasting shower heads and green-tiled-walls. I moved closer and saw little clay pots that contained sugar and chocolate body scrub, and a wooden spatula. I knew we were in for a treat. I descended two steps down and saw two dressed massage beds next to each other, looking very comfortable and massage-ready. Then she showed us a telephone and asked that we use it to call for help if we needed anything, otherwise, someone would call us in one hour to ask if they could come in to start the massage. She bowed, walked to the exit, and closed the double doors behind her.

The spa experience was everything we payed for and hoped we’d get.

Later that evening, we decided to walk around in the mall. We went in and out of shops window-shopping and I thought we were still window-shopping when we entered the Pandora store that sold charm bracelets. That was my first time in the store and everything looked really nice. Tina scoured the store talking to a salesperson and putting together a charm bracelet for herself. I was in another section admiring silver jewellery. After about five minutes, Tina called out my name, I turned and she singled for me to come over to the counter where she was standing. When I got there she showed me the final product. I said it was beautiful and she smiled. Then the cashier said, “That will be two hundred and fifty dollars, Ma’am”, looking straight at me. I stared back at the cashier, with confusion written all over my face before I muffled, “…Errmm, that’s…not for me”. Tina looked at me in embarrassment, and said, “I…I thought you were going to pay for it”. “No, we didn't discuss this”, I replied. At this point the cashier walked to the next register to attend to another customer. I called her attention and apologised for the mixup. I walked out of the store, Tina following and we left the mall.


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What started off as a perfect day quickly became rather awkward and embarrassing. Tina did not speak to me for the next few hours and even after we got back to the hotel, she did not listen to anything I had to say. Later on, she said I embarrassed her in front of all those people and she felt very ashamed. I apologised.

I understood why she was embarrassed and I desperately wanted to blame myself and take responsibility for what happened at the Pandora store, but I could not understand a few things. I knew she wanted a bracelet from Pandora, but I did not know she expected me to pay for it, especially after the lavish spa experience we had just returned from. I heard bracelets from that store were very nice, but the price of those things made me swallow one big lump of saliva. I could have died at that counter… but I digress.

Simple communication before we walked into the store would have prevented the problem. Two hundred and fifty dollars was not really a lot of money, but it wasn’t money I planned to spend. She believed because it was Valentine’s day, she could walk into any store, and I would pay for anything she wanted.

Apparently, I missed that memo.

I have since learnt that - “If it is your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning.”             - Mark Twain