Loving Kindness Pt. 2

It was almost time to graduate from college. Although Sab and I had that heart-shattering talk, we continued to live out what was left of the relationship. Our friendship was intact and we still did things as before. Even though I knew our romantic relationship was coming to an end, I was not quite ready to accept that fact. I hung on to everything I could; the hugs, occasional lovemaking, kisses, smiles - everything became so precious…to me.

Graduation day rolled around. It was such a bright and happy day. Sab and I were really proud of ourselves. For the past four years, we worked very hard to bring this day to fruition. Since it was such a special day for us that we decided to fix our nails - the first time I ever fixed my nails and it was very uncomfortable. I had trouble driving, washing dishes, and even typing. But I wanted to look “nice”, so I managed the discomfort. 

My mum and aunt arrived from Nigeria, while Sab’s parents arrived from Kenya. Everyone was beaming with pride. Walking across the stage to collect my degree was the moment I worked so hard for. When the orator called my name and my fans cheered me on, it was as if I won the Nobel Peace Prize. I collected my certificate, smiled and posed for pictures. As I got to the end of the stage, my uncle handed me a bouquet of flowers. I collected it and posed for more pictures. To wrap up celebrations for the day, my family and I had a late lunch at a popular Chinese restaurant in town.

The plan was to move to the Twin Cities, a two hour journey from Superior. Coincidentally, Sab had gotten a job in Minneapolis and needed a place to stay before getting her own place. She asked my uncle if she could stay at their house and since they love her, they agreed. I was elated. It was so good to have her at close proximity and we lived as though nothing had changed. Reality hadn't struck yet, so I took advantage. She stayed with us for about a month and a half before moving out to her own apartment.

I secretly hoped Sab would change her mind about us.  To me, moving to her own apartment was the perfect opportunity to rekindle our romance. I wanted to spend more and more time with her at home, but she wanted to spend more and more time talking to Marcus. There were times we’d argue over him and I’d  storm out of the apartment. I still loved her and it was beginning to frustrate me. It was counter productive to continue placing my hope in something that was heading no where.

I started working as a Personal Banker at USBank, and was making enough money to pay for my expenses. I moved out of my uncles house into a nice apartment in Woodbury, closer to my office in Saint Paul. Sab visited me sometimes and we still got cozy. Then, she suddenly stopped coming. I’d invite her over but she gave all sorts of reasons why she couldn't make it. I knew they were excuses. The Sab I know found a way to get to where she wanted to go. She is the type of person that goes the extra mile to please her lover. If she was not coming to my house, it was simply because she did not want to. 

I didn't recognise this new person. I struggled to let go and it was difficult. I turned to alcohol for consolation. On my way back from work each day, I’d stop by Target to buy packs of my favourite alcoholic beverage, lay on my couch and drink my sorrows away. It only worked for as long as I was under the influence. Once I got sober, I remembered just how heart broken I was and resume my crying session in front of the mirror in my bathroom. 

For a long time, a friend in London had been asking me to read “The Purpose Driven Life”, an inspirational book written by Pastor Rick Warren of the Saddleback Church. I still do not know why he wanted me to read that book, but he asked me about it again and I decided to just buy the book already. It has 30 chapters, and Rick recommends that the reader focus on a chapter a day to allow complete digestion. As tempting as it was to break the rule, I soon found it valuable to read a chapter a day.

The messages in the book were so positive that I became less dependent on alcohol to provide comfort. By the time I got to chapter 10, I stopped buying alcohol completely. I accepted that I could not continue down that path. Some chapters made me extremely emotional and I cried my eyes out all by myself in my apartment. I knew I was very angry with Sab but I did not realise the anger was eating me up and leading me to harmful habits that could ultimately destroy me. Little by little, I started letting go, allowing me to fully forgive her for all the hurt she had caused me. By the time I got to chapter 30 thirty days later, I somehow found meaning in all that transpired. A book I avoided for a long time turned out to be the book that inspired a change in my life and saved me.

When I finished the Purpose Driven Life, I was ready for a restart. I went out one day and shaved off all my hair. As the barber ran his clipper through what was once my long black hair, I cried intermittently. He couldn't understand what was happening, but I knew I was experiencing a cleansing of some sort. As the hair fell off, I had flashbacks of all the years we spent loving each other. Those memories also made me smile because they were beautiful and I was grateful that we were lucky to have experienced such love…