Religious Right

I never considered myself a deeply religious person. I mean, I went to church on Sundays, observed all the Christian holy days, even attempted fasting sometimes. I really didn't have a choice growing up in a staunch Catholic home where Reverend Fathers and Sisters were regular visitors and family friends. I wondered  why Reverend Sisters were not called Reverend Mothers since Priests were called Reverend Fathers but there was no one to provide answers. That was just how it was and my obedience was more desirable than my questioning mind.

I was well vast with the shenanigans of the Catholic Church. I knew their unshifting position on same-sex marriage, homosexuality, abortion and contraception.                                

I was aware of the rampant sexual abuse of boys that was hidden within the church hierarchy for many decades.               

I was taught that I needed to go for confession before receiving holy communion, and it was common practice to ostracise people who got divorced.                                                

I knew that although the church celebrated women, it never involved us in major decision-making, which, in my opinion, is a major reason why women are not ordained as priests. 

That was my understanding of faith and Christianity until I met Sochi, who was introduced by a mutual friend and we got along pretty well. I wasn't surprised that she was smart, witty and funny. We discussed everything from movies, to fashion, faith, sexuality, family and work. We had varying opinions on most of these things which made our discussions a lot more interesting.

I remember telling her that when I die, I want my body donated to a medical school to help doctors learn more about our bodies. With one cigarette in her hand, she looked at me in shock. Appalled. How could I even consider that? To her, it was also a SIN because religion forbade it. According to her, our bodies are supposed to return to god, not to be used as a lab rat. I smiled and said, “god will have to forgive me then”.

During our discussion about faith, she told me someone she knew died after a car accident because they rejected a blood transfusion that could have saved her life. Sochi said according to her religion(church), receiving blood transfusion was sinful because the transfused blood belonged to someone else. 

“So, are you telling me you would reject blood transfusion even if it was the only thing that could save your life?”, I asked.

“Yes”, she responded, “I cannot receive someone else's blood. It would greatly offend god. If god wants to save me, he will find another way”, she continued.

It made no sense to me. It was difficult to imagine that she was serious. I wanted to put her belief to test but what if she was serious and actually died? 

Sochi’s revelation reminded me of a secondary school classmate who became a born-again Christian after we graduated.  When she got ill with malaria, she refused to take medication. Rather, she told everyone who cared that if she had enough faith, god would heal her. She spent her last days on the church floor, weak and feeble, yet managed enough strength to call on the name of her lord. Coming from this part of the world where malaria is a common illness and very treatable and preventable, it is shocking to hear that a person died of malaria. 

Four days later, she was found dead on the church floor. 

Sochi had been with girls before we met. I found it rather puzzling, then, that although she was sexually attracted to females, she believed bisexuality/ homosexuality were sins, but her belief did not stop her from dating women. I probed further about how she reconciled this dissonance between her beliefs and actions but she did not have any answers. They were just sins. It was just that simple.

********************************************************************************

While practicing our religions, we may not realise just how ingrained our religious convictions are and the powerful influence that yield over our thoughts and actions. I experienced significant levels of cognitive dissonance where my actions were in direct conflict with my beliefs - just like Sochi.

Before I came out to myself, I experienced high levels of internalised homophobia. Although I was romantically attracted to women, I never admitted to myself that I was lesbian because the Catholic church taught me that homosexuality was unacceptable, a sin and abnormal.

I still do not consider myself a religious person. In fact, I have not been to church in years and I have no interest in religion. But there are millions of Sochis who continue to experience negative psychological effects of internalised homophobia and it is destroying their lives.

Unfortunately, our religious houses and leaders are at the forefront of perpetrating systematic homophobia by influencing laws that criminalise homosexuality, and instigating public support of such laws, which then leads to a wave of violence against people suspected to be homosexual. It is rather ironic that religions that preach love lead a movement of hate, untold violence and inhumanity.

I hope someday soon we will come to the realisation that we belong to one human race and share the same destiny. Perhaps that will lead us to care about each other, especially people who are not like us.